my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
