Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We're facebook friends in real life
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
