well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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