either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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