What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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