An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
