I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
