Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
