So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
