My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
