You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
