Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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