After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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