Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
