I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
