Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
