I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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