I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
