I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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