They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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