i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
