that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Couch. On fire.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize