Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
