So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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