You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize