But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
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How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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