i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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