There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just pee around me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
