what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
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