I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it's like iHOP with fire
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
