A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Randomize
