She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
