You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
