Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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