I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
