I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
