Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
