I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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