Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
