I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
