I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
