I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
