So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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