Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
