forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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