I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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