he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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