hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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