Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
