dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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