Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
ok first of all what the fuck
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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