At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
