You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
