hell yes lets make some ravioli
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
