She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
