The maid of honor just puked.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
