What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
