it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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