Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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