I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
