if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
