Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
