Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
