I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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