Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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