so that wasnt chicken after all
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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