I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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