respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
