Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
