my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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