these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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