The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
