I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
do nipples grow back?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
