just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
